... today I'm feeling intimidated. I have to tell my current employer that I'm not going to continue working for her. My employer is a fantastic, strong-willed, clever female and I'm feeling intimidated!
Having to do this today, I have begun to ask myself, why am I constantly intimidated by strong women? I had this feeling of dread when I had to tell Canan that I was leaving because I feared my female bosses reaction. These feelings are crazy.
What is it in myself that causes my fear?
What is is about them that I struggle to deal with?
Comments/suggestions - post here please!
Monday, October 08, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Gated Communities
I visited my first "gated community" today as Belaku Trust were holding a sale in a gated community in the outskirts of Bangalore. I have to admit, my knowledge and information on "gated communties" was limited before I arrived in Bangalore so today I looked up what a "gated community" actually means. Here is the Wikipedia definition:
a gated community is a form of residential community sometimes characterised by a closed perimeter of walls and fences, but always containing controlled entrances for pedestrians, bicycles, and automobiles. Gated communities usually consist of small residential streets and include various amenities.
In Bangalore there are a number of gated communities, housing ex-pats and rich Indians. They are funny, unusual, amazing, unbelieveable and scary places. The gated community I visited was called Palm Meadows and when I arrived (in my colleague and friend Asha's car) we were kindly told to wait while the guards checked if we were "allowed" to enter! Asha commented to me that she "assumed" that I would be her ticket in with my white skin!!! Fortunately for all those people that stay in gated communities the security guards were strict and checked with our hosts that we were "invited". After 5 mins we were allowed in!
I'm sorry if my usage of "" is annoying you but this way of life exists in inverted commas for me!! I do not understand it and I cannot fathom why people would want to live their lives in an enclosed barbed-wire fence community!!
The first thing I noticed when we passed through the gates was the perfect pavements and roads. Bangalore pavements generally have potholes, exposed manholes, stray dogs and cowshit so this community was like walking into Little America! The streets were lined with palm trees and all the houses had perfectly tended gardens. Within the gates was a bank, organic shop, grocery shop, club-house and sports facilities.
I arrived at the house where we was holding the sale and was struck by how perfectly nice but incredibly fake this experience of India must be. One of the things I love about living in India is the people, everyday I walk out of the flat there are people around, when I get a rick I deal with and talk to people here and Indian people are fantastic. There is a sense of happiness here even though there are an incredible number of people below the poverty line. Everyone has something to smile about. My impression of this gated community was that rich people (mostly white and mostly ex-pats) were hiding themselves away behind barbed wire fences.
My experiences during the sale was that I didn't fit it. I observed from my seat in the corner where I was selling things while the ladies mulled around the coffee and food. From time to time I overheard someone say "that is the charity girl over there selling things for charity"!! The women were very nice when speaking to me, asking about Belaku Trust and expressing an interest but the precedent was set ... I was an "outsider" to this community. I didn't work for the right company, my husband (sorry Kay!) doesn't work for the right company and I didn't live there!
There are so many things that I want to say about gated communities and how I perceive them. In some ways I would like someone from within these communities to show me some other side to what they are experiencing in India. So far I'm filled with negative vibes towards this type of ex-pat as I struggle to understand why they exist as they do. I would love to spend an afternoon with the maids/drivers/gardeners to see how they feel about their employers.
When we left, I was relieved and happy to get back to my lovely flat in the middle of Indirangar and see my local shop keeper, who always smiles at me. Give me a house in a gated community and I may just try to break out!
a gated community is a form of residential community sometimes characterised by a closed perimeter of walls and fences, but always containing controlled entrances for pedestrians, bicycles, and automobiles. Gated communities usually consist of small residential streets and include various amenities.
In Bangalore there are a number of gated communities, housing ex-pats and rich Indians. They are funny, unusual, amazing, unbelieveable and scary places. The gated community I visited was called Palm Meadows and when I arrived (in my colleague and friend Asha's car) we were kindly told to wait while the guards checked if we were "allowed" to enter! Asha commented to me that she "assumed" that I would be her ticket in with my white skin!!! Fortunately for all those people that stay in gated communities the security guards were strict and checked with our hosts that we were "invited". After 5 mins we were allowed in!
I'm sorry if my usage of "" is annoying you but this way of life exists in inverted commas for me!! I do not understand it and I cannot fathom why people would want to live their lives in an enclosed barbed-wire fence community!!
The first thing I noticed when we passed through the gates was the perfect pavements and roads. Bangalore pavements generally have potholes, exposed manholes, stray dogs and cowshit so this community was like walking into Little America! The streets were lined with palm trees and all the houses had perfectly tended gardens. Within the gates was a bank, organic shop, grocery shop, club-house and sports facilities.
I arrived at the house where we was holding the sale and was struck by how perfectly nice but incredibly fake this experience of India must be. One of the things I love about living in India is the people, everyday I walk out of the flat there are people around, when I get a rick I deal with and talk to people here and Indian people are fantastic. There is a sense of happiness here even though there are an incredible number of people below the poverty line. Everyone has something to smile about. My impression of this gated community was that rich people (mostly white and mostly ex-pats) were hiding themselves away behind barbed wire fences.
My experiences during the sale was that I didn't fit it. I observed from my seat in the corner where I was selling things while the ladies mulled around the coffee and food. From time to time I overheard someone say "that is the charity girl over there selling things for charity"!! The women were very nice when speaking to me, asking about Belaku Trust and expressing an interest but the precedent was set ... I was an "outsider" to this community. I didn't work for the right company, my husband (sorry Kay!) doesn't work for the right company and I didn't live there!
There are so many things that I want to say about gated communities and how I perceive them. In some ways I would like someone from within these communities to show me some other side to what they are experiencing in India. So far I'm filled with negative vibes towards this type of ex-pat as I struggle to understand why they exist as they do. I would love to spend an afternoon with the maids/drivers/gardeners to see how they feel about their employers.
When we left, I was relieved and happy to get back to my lovely flat in the middle of Indirangar and see my local shop keeper, who always smiles at me. Give me a house in a gated community and I may just try to break out!
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Trust
The first piece of advice that I was given in India was to trust no one! If a person cannot trust the police than who can they trust? This is a very hard concept for me to grasp as I have always lived by the rule that everybody is trustworthy unless I discover otherwise. This is not the case here!
What interests and confuses me is the level of trust that peole have in me yet I do not and cannot allow myself to trust others?! While in Leh, a city in the north of India I went into a shop to call home and put pictures on a CD. All of this cost 350 Rs (about 4 pounds sterling) which is a fair amount of money. When I got off the phone I realised that Kay had left the shop and she had our bag with my wallet. I explained to the guy and made to sit down and wait for Kay's return however the guy ushered me out telling me to go find "my friend". This was incredible to me as I could have walked away leaving that guy 350 rs out of pocket. He had some ultimate faith that I would return and I would pay him.
This level of trust in me astounds me given that I have to remember not to trust people (esp those trying to sell me something!!) It will take some time for me to get familiar with this and to realise that when the "tout" outside the train station tells me to train is cancelled and he will take me where I need to go for 1000 Rs I must NOT TRUST HIM!!
PS. I did go back to the shop ... I did pay the guy ... just if ye where interested in how the story ended!!
What interests and confuses me is the level of trust that peole have in me yet I do not and cannot allow myself to trust others?! While in Leh, a city in the north of India I went into a shop to call home and put pictures on a CD. All of this cost 350 Rs (about 4 pounds sterling) which is a fair amount of money. When I got off the phone I realised that Kay had left the shop and she had our bag with my wallet. I explained to the guy and made to sit down and wait for Kay's return however the guy ushered me out telling me to go find "my friend". This was incredible to me as I could have walked away leaving that guy 350 rs out of pocket. He had some ultimate faith that I would return and I would pay him.
This level of trust in me astounds me given that I have to remember not to trust people (esp those trying to sell me something!!) It will take some time for me to get familiar with this and to realise that when the "tout" outside the train station tells me to train is cancelled and he will take me where I need to go for 1000 Rs I must NOT TRUST HIM!!
PS. I did go back to the shop ... I did pay the guy ... just if ye where interested in how the story ended!!
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Long time ...
Well, I've been out of cyber world and out of the real world on holidays for the past two weeks!! It was amazing!!
Kay and I travelled north to Ladakh in the HImilayas for a two week break. We spent time here visiting gompas (Buddhist monasteries) driving over the highest moterable pass in the world (Kardung La) and going on a camal safari for my birthday.
I have lots of stories which I promise to upload here along with photos once i get settled back into Bangalore.
Kay and I travelled north to Ladakh in the HImilayas for a two week break. We spent time here visiting gompas (Buddhist monasteries) driving over the highest moterable pass in the world (Kardung La) and going on a camal safari for my birthday.
I have lots of stories which I promise to upload here along with photos once i get settled back into Bangalore.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Back in the Emerald Isle
Well well, it's AUG 2007 and I'm back visiting the family in Ireland before flying off to India to spend 6 months in India. Exciting times! I'm getting ready and feel pretty well prepared - packing, sorting visa's etc.
It's all fun. Life in Ireland is chilled and without hassle. Time is going slowly and I'm enjoying seeing as many people as I can. Dublin is crazy as usual but I spend as little time in there as possible!!
This is just a quick entry while trying to get up to date!
It's all fun. Life in Ireland is chilled and without hassle. Time is going slowly and I'm enjoying seeing as many people as I can. Dublin is crazy as usual but I spend as little time in there as possible!!
This is just a quick entry while trying to get up to date!
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
On Tour
On Sat 17th March (St. Patrick's Day) La Luain left from the Isle of Skye on a Citylink bus bound for Edinburgh. This was the start of our two week Ireland and Scotland tour. The first gig was in Edinburgh at Henry's Cellar Bar on Sunday night and what a night!
The gig went well, despite the nerves. We played first and the crowd enjoyed it, there was dancing and heckling. What a night! I managed to catch up with lots of friends and had a great time.
On Mon Tim and Tom (that's the guitarist and bassist from La Luain) stayed in a Punk house while I opted for the safety of friends in Glasgow. Our second gig was in Glasgow last night and what a disaster! Firstly there were too many bands on ... 4 in total starting at 9 and we had to be finished by 11.45. Oi Polloi were headlining and we were up 3rd as we were a travelling band. There was a lot of pressure on us as the first two bands went on tooo long and they were also good. This left us feeling the pressure to do well - me especially and the pressure of rushing our set.
It was a disaster from the off - I broke the bass drum pedal in the first song leaving us with no bass beat!! That got fixed and from there I took off going too fast on the drums. By song number two I was dead - no energy to continue and totally fecking up everywhere. We continued on however and got to the end of the set.
Right now I'm knackered - my whole body aches and we are travelling to Derry today. The joys. I just hope I can muster the energy and the positive mental vibe to turn around what was a rubish night into a great experience.
The gig went well, despite the nerves. We played first and the crowd enjoyed it, there was dancing and heckling. What a night! I managed to catch up with lots of friends and had a great time.
On Mon Tim and Tom (that's the guitarist and bassist from La Luain) stayed in a Punk house while I opted for the safety of friends in Glasgow. Our second gig was in Glasgow last night and what a disaster! Firstly there were too many bands on ... 4 in total starting at 9 and we had to be finished by 11.45. Oi Polloi were headlining and we were up 3rd as we were a travelling band. There was a lot of pressure on us as the first two bands went on tooo long and they were also good. This left us feeling the pressure to do well - me especially and the pressure of rushing our set.
It was a disaster from the off - I broke the bass drum pedal in the first song leaving us with no bass beat!! That got fixed and from there I took off going too fast on the drums. By song number two I was dead - no energy to continue and totally fecking up everywhere. We continued on however and got to the end of the set.
Right now I'm knackered - my whole body aches and we are travelling to Derry today. The joys. I just hope I can muster the energy and the positive mental vibe to turn around what was a rubish night into a great experience.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
It's been sometime since I updated this and told you what I've been up to. Well it's not March 2007. I can't believe how time flies. Work is going well. We are working hard on the Highland 2007 project and I've had one amazing holiday already this year.
In Feb I went to India and it was absolutely fantastic. I can't rave about it enough. Here is a picture of the sun setting behind us while I visited a beech in Kannur. I was in Bangalore, Mysore and Kerala and it was absolutely awesome.
I'm determined to update this more often and to add more photographs. Watch this space!
In Feb I went to India and it was absolutely fantastic. I can't rave about it enough. Here is a picture of the sun setting behind us while I visited a beech in Kannur. I was in Bangalore, Mysore and Kerala and it was absolutely awesome.
I'm determined to update this more often and to add more photographs. Watch this space!
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